Defining Moments

             My black and white saddle oxfords are barely able to keep up with me as I run through the grass. At a glance, I look as if at any moment I could trip over my own feet. My hand is directly in front of me as I try to tag the boy I’m chasing.

           

            Recess was my favorite part of the day. I made sure I never talked to loudly in class, actually I just made sure I didn’t get caught talking too loudly. My focus was to not get a check mark next to my name, which signaled 10 minutes of time out during recess.

            We want kids to be kids. We want them to have a childhood that is fun and care- free because once they grow up that all changes. But we also expect that once they hit a certain age they’re supposed to know exactly what they want to do with their life.

            “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I can remember my answers to that question were typical. An astronaut, doctor, singer, and a marine biologist. Some people seem to know exactly what they want to do the moment they enter the world. Those people are amazing. They have a dream and do everything needed to pursue and accomplish it. Many of my friends fit into that category. Then there are those who simply have no idea.

           

            This was my view on the way to work yesterday. I could only see what was directly in front of me. God showed me that at the moment, this is a reflection of my life. As cliché as that is, I totally understood. God told Abraham to go and then he would show him where to go. Abraham went. Then God told him to “fear not, I am your shield, your reward shall be very great”. Abraham asked God how he was supposed to know that what God promised was going to be given to him. God asked him to give a sacrifice then gave him reassurance that what He promised would happen.

            I know the promises God has for me. I am His and I love Him. For the first time I really want to ignore fears and dreams and listen to Him. A friend reminded me to do just that. Listen. As I began to do more of this I realized that the decisions I was making about my future were out of expectations (of others and my own), and fear. Listening changed that. I saw that God wants me to go. To follow Him and discover a new part of His heartbeat. In 7 months I will be somewhere in Africa listening and learning. For how long, I have no idea. What I will do when I get back, I have no idea. But He is my shield and my reward. That makes it worth it.

            When we grow up, we’re supposed to know what we want to do. I guess for now, I’m still not grown up. I am okay with that. Being grown up is overrated. J At the moment, I can only see what is directly in front of me. Just as I knew there was a city on the other side of the fog. I know there is more that God has for me, but I don’t see it yet.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

             

Discipline

    My alarm is titled “Sunshine”…..but the last few mornings it’s awakened me while the sun is still on the other side of the world. As I slid the covers off and pulled the curtains back my eyes didn’t have to adjust to the light, because there was none. Just darkness. It’s amazing what I can accomplish with one eye still closed and my body half asleep. I scarf down a banana with peanut butter and a glass of water. I wrap up my blisters, slip on some sweats, grab my sneakers with one hand while my Ipod dangles in the other. I head out the door. It’s 6:30 am as I hit my stop watch to begin my run.

                                                    DISCIPLINE.

    After my knee surgery I thought God had taught me enough about that nine letter word. I was wrong.

    As I logged in 4-7 miles a day plus weights and abs, then adding another 30 min morning run on top of that, my body screamed in pain. It started just in my shin then from overcompensating, the pain traveled to my IT band and outside of my foot.

     When I was running there was no pain but as soon as I stopped I felt like there was a metal rod sticking through my lower leg. My brilliant mind thought ”It doesn’t hurt while I run so…just don’t stop running”. I sometimes like to picture myself as a Paula Radcliffee, when in reality I’m more of a Steve Urkle in the running world. (but I can rock it) Needless to say, that whole ‘don’t ever stop running’ plan failed.

                                                      DICIPLINE.

    In church we looked at Judges 20:18-34. The Israelites were sent out by God a total of 3 times to battle against the Benjamin Tribe. They sought God and He told them to go fight. They lost 18,000 men the first battle and 22,000 in the second for a total of 44,000 dead men. They were pretty much screaming WHAT THE HECK!?! They asked God again if they should continue to fight or if they should cease. God told them to continue. They obeyed. It was a terrible battle. They had discipline not based off of feelings. The battle ended in a Victory for the Israelites.

    Every time my feet hit the ground I feel pain. It’s constant and despite weeks of rehab nothing seems to dim the pain.

    This is my last semester of college and my last chance to run with my team who has worked so hard. After my knee surgery there was no question if I should stop running. Now… I question God. I’m asking if I should keep going. Everything seems to be falling apart. I don’t know if there is a victory at the end of this battle.

    He reminded me today as I sat in the blue padded chairs facing the stage. No matter the outcome, in Him there is always VICTORY. He knows the end, we don’t.

    How do I keep going when nothing seems to be going right and I want to throw in the towel and hang my shoes up?

                                                   DICIPLINE.

He has told me to keep going. I will obey.