My
black and white saddle oxfords are barely able to keep up with me as I run
through the grass. At a glance, I look as if at any moment I could trip over my
own feet. My hand is directly in front of me as I try to tag the boy I’m chasing.
Recess
was my favorite part of the day. I made sure I never talked to loudly in class,
actually I just made sure I didn’t get caught talking too loudly. My focus was to
not get a check mark next to my name, which signaled 10 minutes of time out during
recess.
We
want kids to be kids. We want them to have a childhood that is fun and care-
free because once they grow up that all changes. But we also expect that once
they hit a certain age they’re supposed to know exactly what they want to do
with their life.
“What
do you want to be when you grow up?” I can remember my answers to that question
were typical. An astronaut, doctor, singer, and a marine biologist. Some people
seem to know exactly what they want to do the moment they enter the world. Those
people are amazing. They have a dream and do everything needed to pursue and
accomplish it. Many of my friends fit into that category. Then there are those
who simply have no idea.
This
was my view on the way to work yesterday. I could only see what was directly in
front of me. God showed me that at the moment, this is a reflection of my life.
As cliché as that is, I totally understood. God told Abraham to go and then he
would show him where to go. Abraham went. Then God told him to “fear not, I am
your shield, your reward shall be very great”. Abraham asked God how he was
supposed to know that what God promised was going to be given to him. God asked
him to give a sacrifice then gave him reassurance that what He promised would
happen.
I
know the promises God has for me. I am His and I love Him. For the first time I
really want to ignore fears and dreams and listen to Him. A friend reminded me
to do just that. Listen. As I began to do more of this I realized that the
decisions I was making about my future were out of expectations (of others and
my own), and fear. Listening changed that. I saw that God wants me to go. To
follow Him and discover a new part of His heartbeat. In 7 months I will be
somewhere in Africa listening and learning. For how long, I have no idea. What
I will do when I get back, I have no idea. But He is my shield and my reward.
That makes it worth it.
When
we grow up, we’re supposed to know what we want to do. I guess for now, I’m
still not grown up. I am okay with that. Being grown up is overrated. J
At the moment, I can only see what is directly in front of me. Just as I knew
there was a city on the other side of the fog. I know there is more that God
has for me, but I don’t see it yet.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance
about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
No comments:
Post a Comment